they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
