dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wear drunk well.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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