It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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