Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
