clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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