I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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