I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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