if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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