Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
