it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
