I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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