I wanna bring you to show and tell
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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