i think my mom watched the whole time
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
