I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
