is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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