There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
