soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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