Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
