I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
