There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
