now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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