what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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