his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
