I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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