I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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