You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
