i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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