i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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