nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
