The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This toilet bowl is my home.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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