That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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