I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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