I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
