If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was like eating out sand paper
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
