shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
