I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
