I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
