You're so nebulous sometimes
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
