Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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