well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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