when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
