i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
