$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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