Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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