I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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