I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
