Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
