I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
