You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
