so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
