It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
